What Size is Your Window of Tolerance?

Have you ever felt like something has pushed you too far over the edge? 

Maybe it felt like you lost control as anxiety took over. 

Or perhaps it felt like the world lost colour as you emotionally shut down. 

If you have experienced either of these, then you have been pushed beyond your window of tolerance.

The window of tolerance is a concept used in psychology to describe the tolerance a person has for managing daily stress and life challenges.

Daniel Siegal is the psychiatrist who originally introduced the term “window of tolerance” back in 1999. He explains the window of tolerance as “…a band of arousal in which we function well. Outside the window we become dysfunctional. We move to the edge of the window on one end and we’ve come closer to chaos; at the other edge we are nearing rigidity.”

Everything inside the window is called the optimal zone of arousal. This is the stress that can be endured without going into a state of overwhelm. It is where you function at your best.

The window of tolerance is like an allowance for how much stress we can handle.

If we stay within our allowance (within our window), then we will be okay. Even while experiencing stress, we will be able to remain emotionally stable.

But if we go over the allowance (stepping beyond the window), then we enter dangerous territory. We become emotionally bankrupt and lose control.

These areas outside the window of tolerance are called hyperarousal and hypoarousal.

Hyperarousal

When the nervous system becomes extremely heightened, it enters a state of hyperarousal.

This is the feeling of losing control as anxiety takes over. Heart pounding, body shaking, racing thoughts. Lashing out in anger, running away in fear or going into overdrive trying to please the people around you.

It can also be more subtle. Like not being able to sleep at night because of the thoughts racing in your mind. Not being able to think clearly. Feeling endlessly frustrated and helpless.

Hypoarousal

When the nervous system shuts down, it enters an energy conservation mode called hypoarousal.

This is when the world loses colour as you emotionally shut down. That feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out. Depressed. Numb. Tired. The world feels distant and foggy.

It can also be more subtle. Like not having the energy to do things. Feeling endlessly tired. Not feeling excited about anything, being on autopilot and just going through the motions.

Size Matters

The smaller our window of tolerance, the more likely we are to enter hyperarousal or hypoarousal.

We can swing back and forth between both states. The smaller our window, the bigger the swings.

The past version of me used to live in these zones. I would swing back and forth between extreme anxiety and depression. My nervous system was either over-activated or completely burnt out. I either couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t switch off, or I couldn’t get out of bed because I felt so exhaustingly numb.

Life feels very hard and stressful when we have a small window.

The goal is to increase the size of the window.

The bigger our window, the more we can tolerate, the easier life will feel.

If your window of tolerance is small, it is not your fault.

Trauma shrinks the window of tolerance. It is not your fault for experiencing trauma.

Psychiatrist Abby Hershler explains “Many people who have experienced repeated trauma have a narrow zone of optimal arousal. Sometimes we refer to the narrow width as being “pencil” or “toothpick” thin.”

The good news is, it is completely within our power to increase our window.

Even after a setback, we can choose to work on our window and build it back bigger and stronger than ever before.

The Comfort Zone and the Window of Tolerance

While the comfort zone is a stress-free state, the window of tolerance is not.

The comfort zone is located at the centre of the window, within the space that feels the safest and most comfortable.

The window of tolerance determines how far you can safely venture beyond your comfort zone without reaching a state of dysregulation.

We can allow ourselves to safely explore stress by pushing at the edge of our comfort zone while also remaining within the window (optimal zone of arousal). This is where expansion happens.

The problem is when we venture too far out. When we have left our comfort zone and left the optimal zone of arousal.

We don’t want to enter the danger zones of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Growth doesn’t happen here.

If we are in the danger zone, then we need to make our way back to the comfort zone at the centre of our window. This is where we can regain emotional stability and recover.

The comfort zone and the window of tolerance work together to amplify each other.

We venture towards the outer edges of our window so that we can explore and expand. Then we return to our comfort zone at the centre of the window to rest and recover. Both are important for growth.

In a future post, I will explore some of the things we can do to increase our windows of tolerance.

Natty ❤️

References

Hershler, A. (2021). Window of tolerance. In A. Hershler, L. Hughes, P. Nguyen & S. Wall (Eds.), Looking at trauma: A tool kit for clinicians (pp. 25-28). The Pennsylvania State University Press. 

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. W.W. Norton & Company.